The Havoc Wrought by Teenage Girls
by PrincessSpiffy
Summary: Ten years after Voldemort has been thrown to the gutter Severus lets his half-sister, Maeve, stay at his house to escape her crazy family. Little does Sev know just what one teenage girl can do to a life. Very AU, very fluffy. Rated M only for language.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, all, and welcome to the ramblings that come to my mind late at night. This story is very AU. Veeeeeeery AU. Basically throw out almost everything Jo says in books 5, 6 and 7.

But Harry Potter does belong to Jo Rowling. Severus' half sisters and such belong to me (sadly, even Maeve's mother belongs to me) but all the rest is Jo's.

Also, if anyone is open to beta-ing this story for me, I'd be extremely indebted to you. I need someone to keep me on track and not let this story fall to the dusty back of my CPU like many other things I've written and to keep me grammatically correct when I get on a roll.

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"I. Cannot. Fucking. stand. MY MOTHER!"

Severus looked in amusement at the furious teen-aged girl sitting beside him.

"What did she do this time, Maeve?" he asked, knowing she would have told him no matter what he'd said.

"Caitlin, that stupid, bloody baby had a friend over tonight and they were in the office playing some bloody computer game and I was in the other damn roomminding my own business and using Caitlin's laptop to talk to someone online and mum comes in, sees me downstairs and throws this massive bloody hissy fit nagging at me to get upstairs and give bloody Caitlin some peace! Give CAITLIN peace? The stupid bloody cow that doesn't know how to grow up? Sev, she is twenty-one years old and hasn't moved from home, doesn't have a bloody job and has never even attempted apparition because she's too bloody terrified of splinching? AND SHE STILL SLEEPS IN MY FUCKING BEDROOM! And so then I started arguing with Mum, and of course she just spoke to me like some demented bloody five year-old and said that I was keeping them from having privacy! And then when I pointed out that they were in the bloody office, Mum was just like 'Well they won't be there all night' and I was like 'WELL I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE AT ALL!' But of course I couldn't actually say that because Mum would've burst a fucking blood vessel!"

Maeve paused for a second to take a breath and then let it out in one of those short, furious shrieks that only a seventeen year-old girl could even attempt.

"I can't stand any of them! And stupid, bloody Mum is the worst! If she didn't bloody babyCaitlin all the time none of this would ever bloody happen! But, noooooooooo! Poor Caitlin's just a delicate little flower! If you're even on the same bloody floor as her, you immediately turn into a demented five year-old on crack screaming for her attention even if you're just having a conversation on the bloody computer in the OTHER FUCKING ROOM! And of course there's nothing to do upstairs because the bloody telly broke!"

Maeve let out another short shriek and Severus snorted. "So you're asking to stay with me for a while," Severus stated.

His half-sister turned her big blue eyes on him, filled with desperation, "Oh, gods, please!" she exclaimed.

"When do you need to be back?" he asked.

"Thursday next at the latest," she replied, turning to a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "I need to start priming Mum for voice lessons for at least three days before I actually ask for them. She's taking an unusually long time forgetting what happened with Adam."

Severus snorted. The 'Adam' Maeve was talking about was the twenty-one year-old fresh faced (and handsome) singer who had given her voice lessons up until that January. The incident she was alluding to was when Maeve's mum had come early to pick Maeve up from a lesson one day and found the two singers locked at the lips and hands all over the place.

"How is he, by the way?" asked Severus mildly.

"Still in St. Mungo's getting over that poison Papa gave him, but he should be out soon thank the gods. It has been way to long since I've had a good snog. UGH! I just wish they would all just--"

"Shut up and leave you alone," Severus finished for her.

Severus had heard his favorite half-sister rant and rave about nearly everything in the world, but their family was her all-time favorite subject. Maeve's mother was all smiles and laughs to everyone in the outside world, but to her family she was insanely controlling. She had met Severus' father about ten years after Severus' mother, Eileen, had died. As horribly as Carey's controlling tendencies conflicted with Maeve's intense need for independence, they had worked wonders on the train wreck that was Tobias Snape. What was once a horrible drunk and abusive magic hater was now a jolly, quiet and loving old man who was married to a witch and had three magical daughters by her.

Severus didn't spend much time with his father's new family until Maeve had been born seventeen years earlier. Severus knew that she was special from the minute he'd held the newborn babe in his arms. The baby that had been squalling like a banshee in the arms of her mother quieted immediately when taken in the arms of her much older half-brother. Unlike her two older sisters, Maeve did not inherit her mother's easily-tannable skin and angel-blond hair. She instead took after the Snape side of her heritage. She had a great mop of coal-black hair, (reaching to her collar as a newborn) ivory-pale skin, and she even had the Snape nose (though thankfully diluted and toned down because of her mother's genes.) As Maeve grew she became even more physically unlike her sisters by simply not growing. She stayed at a puny four-foot-eleven as her sisters sprouted to nearly Severus' height. The only facial characteristic that marked Maeve as her mother's daughter was her ice-blue eyes. Those eyes never once failed to shock someone to their core the moment they saw them framed by her black, black hair.

But Maeve wasn't simply a Snape in the physical sense. Oh, no. She showed a Snape mentality even when she was still in utero. She made her mother wait to give birth to her for nearly an extra month in the middle of the hottest summer England had ever known. When Maeve finally decided to be born it was right in the middle of a fancy banquet her parents were hosting to raise funds for a charity they funded.

Maeve was most definitely Severus' favorite sister.

"Come on, then," he said, grabbing her hand. "I assume you're already packed?"

Maeve gave him a full-watt smile and squeezed his hand tightly before she dashed up the stairs to grab the suitcase she'd prepared hours before. Maeve had known Severus would say yes to her staying with him before he'd even arrived at her house. Probably the most prevalent Snape-like quality about her was her uncanny ability to manipulate those around her. She'd manipulated her voice teacher to fall in love with her even though he knew he'd lose his job, she'd manipulated Severus into inviting her to stay and she was going to manipulate her mother into letting her have more voice lessons even though her previous stray into the musical world had ended with calamity and familial scandal.

Severus shook his head and thought back on his life. He was old, that was for damn sure. Fifty wasn't so very old in wizarding terms, but the war had taken away more than its fair share of years from Severus' life. _Ten years,_ he thought. _It's been ten bloody years since that bastard died and I'm still feeling the repercussions._

Severus unconsciously touched the leg that had been permanently injured during the Final Battle by that bloody snake of Voldemort's. The poison hadn't spread very far before the Granger girl shoved a bezoar down his throat, but the physical damage to his leg had festered too long and been to grievous to be fixed by even magical means.

Severus shook his head of his thoughts and looked up to see Maeve hauling a suitcase nearly as big as she was down the enormously large staircase.

"Oh, now this is just ridiculous," said Severus. "You'll be staying at my flat for a week, not preparing for the bloody apocalypse!"

"Oh, stuff it, Sev, and help me with the damn bag. I am a pampered and spoiled young lady and I intend to remain that way no matter where I am."

Severus smirked, rolled his eyes and levitated both girl and bag out the front door. The girl was rather miffed at the loss of her dignity and told him so with rather colorful language.


	2. Chapter 2

"I did not appreciate that, sir!" Maeve huffed as she poutily crossed her arms once they'd apparated into Severus' flat.

"Oh, stop whining, silly girl. It was just a bit of levitation," he replied with a snort.

"The pervy next door neighbor saw me with my skirt round my ears! I just got that complete creeper to stop staring at me and now you've gone and ruined it all!"

"I dunno, he didn't look to bad to me. All he really needs is a tooth straightening spell or two...and maybe a formal introduction to a bar of soap..."

Maeve fumed. "Well, in any case, he's too young for me."

"Maeve, he's a year and a half older than you!"

"Exactly," she sniffed, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to freshen up before we go to the shops."

"The shops?" asked Severus, "Who ever said anything about the shops?"

"Well, me, obviously. Just now. And I'm sure someone somewhere in the universe has said something about the shops before. Otherwise how would they have come to be? Now, come off it, Sev. When have you ever said no to a short trip to the bookshop?"

Severus knew Maeve well enough to know that her definition of a 'short trip to the bookshop' was the farthest thing from any sane person's definition. He sighed and rubbed his temples. Flourish and Blotts had better be well-stocked or Severus just might not survive.

An hour later Severus was trudging along the main avenue of Diagon Alley at little more than a snail's pace, his arms loaded with more parcels than anyone would think possible for one man to carry and an impatient Maeve skipping ahead of him.

"Oh, do hurry up, Sev! Madame Malkin's will close in a few minutes and I need to pick up the dress robes I have on hold there!" she exclaimed.

"Ungh...there's only...grunt...so much...gasp...one man...can carry," Severus grunted.

Maeve sighed dramatically and said something under her breath that sounded like, "giant bat baby," or something along those lines. She then flicked her wrist irritatedly at the parcels Severus was carrying and they immediately shrunk and stuffed themselves neatly into one of his pockets.

Severus looked at Maeve, dumbfounded. "Maeve, you do realize that you just performed an extremely difficult bit of wandless magic as if you were just swatting a fly and all in the name of shopping?"

"Well you were being much too slow and I really need those dress robes!"

With that, Maeve turned and dashed through the crowd so as to catch Madame Malkin before she closed up shop for the night. Severus rolled his eyes. That girl could take over the world if she wanted. Only, she wouldn't want to unless the world suddenly turned into a dress shop. Severus sighed and began meandering once again towards Madame Malkin's.

"...and then all of a sudden he was on top of me, and I was like - Oh! Sev! Finally!"

That was all Severus heard when he stepped into the dress shop before he was grabbed by his tiny-but-strong half-sister. "There's someone I want you to meet! She's ever so funny and she said she's into potions just like you!"

Severus looked up at the woman his sister was gesturing at. She was of medium height with a pretty nice figure, looked to be about thirty with brown curly hair. When Severus looked at her eyes, however, was when he recognized her.

"Miss Granger!" he exclaimed.

"Professor Snape!" she said, looking just as shocked as he was. "When Maeve told me her brother was with her, I thought..."

"Of someone younger," Severus finished for her.

Hermione blushed and just looked from sibling to sibling. Damn! she thought to herself. It's been ten years and I still act a fool whenever I'm around the stupid sod. You think I would've realized because of the nose, but-

Hermione's rambling thoughts were cut short when Maeve spoke up with a glint in her eye, "Oh! You know eache other! Well, then you simply must go and catch up while I get these robes altered. Who knows how long that would take and you two just have so much to say to each other! Bye!"

As Maeve was talking at record speed she'd managed to push Hermione and Severus through the door so subtly that they didn't realize what had happened until well after she'd slammed it in their faces.

"Well that was rather rude, dear," scolded Madame Malkin.

"Oh, definitely not! Did you see the look in her eyes? They're positively made for each other, I'm sure of it."

Madame Malkin just pursed her lips and began measuring Maeve. She'd seen Maeve set up enough of the girls in her shop and seen enough of those girls come back for wedding robes to know to leave Maeve to her schemes.

"Erm," stuttered Severus as he shot a surprised look to the woman beside him. "Maeve, she, uhm, does that sometimes."

Hermione just nodded slowly. Hermione needed to go to Madame Malkin's for robes often enough to have witnessed Maeve's almost supernatural ability at matchmaking and Hermione also knew how to take a hint.

But Snape? Hermione knew that Maeve certainly had a talent for this sort of thing, but maybe this time she was a bit off-target.

Hermione surreptitiously glanced at the man beside her, assessing how he had changed over the years. His hair was streaked with grey and looked much less greasy than when she had seen him last. His skin, also, looked less pasty and pallid and more ivory and healthy. His nose was...well, maybe that particular feature wouldn't ever change for the better.

Snape cleared his throat. "So, er, I suppose she'll be a shile. Do you, er-"

"How about we get some ice cream?" Hermione suggested, mostly so he would stop stuttering so.

Snape smiled a little, relieved that she had taken the initiative. Hermione noticed then that his teeth were improved also. They were still a little crooked in some places, but had become noticeably whiter. He would never star in a Crest advert, but it was an improvement.

"Uh, shall we?" asked Severus, holding his arm out.

Hermione smiled at the antiquity and chivalry shown in the gesture. As soon as they began to walk, however, she immediately noticed the limp that now took away his formerly impeccable grace.

"Oh! Your leg, I'd nearly forgotten. How is it?" she asked.

Severus grimaced at being reminded of the injury, but responded politely enough, "Not so bad now. It's a bit like having one constantly sore muscle."

Hermione nodded. "We did try to help you as quickly as we could, but there were just so many and-"

"If we didn't rehash old war stories," Severus interrupted, "I wouldn't be disappointed. Maeve said you have a job involving potions?"

And so the old potions master and his student sat at a cafe table outside Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor talking of books, work and, of course, potions. 


End file.
